After Scrooge’s visit with his various ghosts, he chooses to
be a peaceful man who loves all he sees. Unfortunately, it took him seeing his
own tombstone and the wretched life he lived to make this move. It seems in
marriages that some husbands and wives are just as miserable as Ebenezer.
There’s very little joy and each breath that is taken robs another second of
what could be a joyous life. When there’s not something deeper at play, all
many couples may need to do is choose. Will it be misery or will it be peace?
When you choose to notice everything he/she does wrong, you
are choosing misery. If you live with someone long enough, you are going to
find plenty wrong with them. This is often a distraction in order to avoid your
own misgivings but there you are, noticing all the inconsistencies of your
spouse and wondering why you ever got married. Scrooge saw all that was wrong
with those who walked through his door. If you search for bad, you’ll find it.
Looking for good can make for a much happier home.
When you choose to argue rather than love, you are choosing
misery. There’s something about being at war with your spouse. Some seem to
enjoy it. We are not happy and he/she is supposed to make us happy. I’M NOT
HAPPY SO IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT! You’re probably not happy because you’re
finding all of your spouse’s faults and not working on your own. If you are one
half of a whole that is supposed to be about love, what are you bringing to the
table?
You choose misery when you only think of yourself. What can
please me! This will lead to an unfulfilling life as it did for Scrooge. He
only thought of himself but when he began to look of the welfare of others, he
found joy. Being in a relationship with another human being can be so
rewarding. However, if you don’t think of that other person, there will be no
joy.
Finally, you choose misery when you refuse to meet your
spouse’s needs. Much of the arguing in a marriage comes from not meeting one
another’s needs. It’s strange however because this is really why we got married
in the first place; that person met a need of ours. Are you refusing to talk to
her? Have you decided to not like what he enjoys? There will be war.
You choose peace when you decide (or re-decide) to make a
life with that person. You choose peace when you offer forgiveness and a total
acceptance of that other person despite their faults. You choose peace when you
find some way to enjoy the time of being together rather than despising it.
When you choose peace, you choose your words carefully, your actions carefully,
and your thoughts carefully in order to make a life that is less like the that
of Ebenezer Scrooge and more like a family you can be proud of.
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