While I didn't wake up at 3AM CST to watch the wedding of the year, I did watch it at 5:30AM and I'm glad I did. The Right Reverend and Right Honourable Dr. Richard Chartres' remarks about marriage were so inspiring.
While these are beautiful words, they are also dreadfully difficult to bear and enact in our own lives. Our true selves are often scary and many of us do not want to expose our inner demons to someone else. This is where lots of marital conflicts arise; we feel vulnerable and we don't like it so we become defensive.
However, as with Christ's forgiveness and total acceptance, a loving spouse will see past our weaknesses and love us unconditionally too. Why can’t you get along with your spouse? It may be because your relationship with Christ is weak or even non-existent. A man can't know what Ephesians 5:25 means when it says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her . . ." if Christ is not in his life.
Chartres observed that we cannot have a full relationship with our spouse because we have allowed "the reality of God to fade" from our lives. We expect our spouse to fulfill our every need and this is unfair to our spouses. Some of our needs go beyond what any human can meet because we are terrestrial and spiritual beings.
Dr. Chartres went on to say, "the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul;" This too is difficult to understand, but as Christ washed the disciples' feet, He experienced the blessing of humility. As we look past our own needs to meet that of our spouse's, we will become rich with the blessings this offers.
Many are reluctant to give of themselves because they have been hurt somehow. Whether through a family member, an ex-spouse, or even the current one, pain can flow into all parts of our life. This can keep us from truly living with ourselves and then openly with someone else. If we accept God’s forgiveness, we can have it in our marriages too.
I love it when Chartres said, “It is possible to transform [our spouse] as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner." If we love our spouse, we will help them become who they can be and if he/she is willing, they will grow along with us.
It's never too late for a relationship with Christ or with one’s spouse because as Chartres said, "In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life." While we admire Kate & William, Chartres said that “In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding . . . making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.” Is your marriage suffering? You’re never too far gone in a marriage to save it so long as you’re willing to make the trip back.
