What's the Problem?

My five year old son loves building with his Legos. He'll spend a great deal of time constructing a perfectly symmetrical robot or fortress of some kind. Then along comes the diabolical one year old little sister bent on utter destruction. Mason, gently hugs his masterpiece with one hand and keeps her away with the other. "No! Daddy, tell her to stop!" he yells. Mason, not knowing that it is fully within his power to take control of the situation, looks to me for help. I use this as a teachable moment in the hopes that he'll be able to handle similar or more daunting problems in the future.

What does he not realize that nearly all of us miss as well? He's not looking to the solution. He simply sees Campbell as the problem and doesn't know what else to do. We must change our focus if our marriages are to improve. What can be done to make your life what you hope? Look to the solution. This may be in the form of a book, a friend, or even counseling, but whatever you do, stop focusing on the problem and start looking to what you're going to do to have a mind-blowing marriage.



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The Holidays

As the weather cools and the leaves change, I begin to mourn the departure of summer with its grilled food and time outside. Late September to mid October is particularly difficult as it's too cool to play in the sprinkler, but too warm to enjoy the changing leaves; unless of course they’re drying to a crisp. However, by the time Halloween rolls in, I've accepted it.

Now begins the time of year that we term, "The Holidays." So much is crammed into the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas that by the time we throw away the last of the wrapping paper, we wonder where it all went. Take pictures, make dinner plans now and drink up this festive time because January & February will soon be here and unless it's a snow day, don't bother me.

One of my joys of the season is watching Christmas movies. I'll be purchasing Mickey's A Christmas Carol soon, adding it to Rudolph, Frosty, and Charlie Brown. Elf with Will Ferrel is a favorite in the Sadler household too. Ferrel's character, Buddy, meets a girl (played by Zooey Deschanel) who says, "I'm just trying to make it through the holidays." Buddy is dismayed by this and begins converting her to his belief in the Christmas spirit. For some, Deschanel's take on this time of year mirrors their own. The feeling I have in late September doesn't end for these who must bear a month of turkey dinners and yuletide cheer. What to do?

This state of bah-hum-bug can come from many sources. With the focus on family during this time of year, many are thrust beside cousins, siblings, or even parents that they don’t care for very much. What to do? Make the most of it. Conversation can be had with almost anyone depending on the level that you want to take it. Don’t have much in common with cousin Jeb? Talk about sports or some other interest that both of you have. You’re a hard worker, but your in-laws are lazy? Talk about the dinner plates or your gun collection. You’re bound to have something in common. These mundane topics may seem pointless but they keep everyone civil and the holiday atmosphere comfortable.

It’s not only the present that can get people down, but like the Ghost of Christmas past, events long gone can make a joyous time of year one to be dreaded. The weather doesn’t help either. With less sun and people staying inside, the things that normally make us feel good are a little harder to come by. Chocolate can only do so much to make us feel good.

What may be the culprit here, besides the weather, is that the holidays are made up of traditions and when those traditions change because of the passing of a loved one or some other event; it may be difficult to move on. While the person can’t be replaced, new traditions can be established. After all, there are grandchildren who want what you had so many years ago; holidays and traditions to remember and pass on to their children. You can make it happen.

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