Men, Women, & Ties

Men hate ties. No matter how good they may look, many men would rather wear a dress than a constraining rope with an argyle pattern. What’s crazy is that the tie is not the issue. The real issue is with the shirt. The neck hole is too small. If you’ve ever worn a tie you know that you constantly have to make sure it’s not falling down or going crooked. The tie does nothing to choke you. Men miss this point all the time. Men and women can easily miss the point when it comes to personal issues as well.

It’s never about putting the toilet seat down and it’s never about a missed birthday. The real issue is that a woman does not feel that her needs and desires are being met. If the man was perfect on the issues above, something else would surface if the wife did not feel loved and noticed by her spouse.

Men and women want to be good parents but they don’t often see where they mess up. Women especially ask, “Why does my son do this? Where is he getting this behavior from?” This questions isn’t near as important as, “What am I going to do to correct his behavior?”

In our marriages and in our parenting, let’s be sure to not miss the real issue. Ask parents you admire, read a book on the subject, or watch Super Nanny. She really knows her stuff.

QUESTION: "What Should I Do About My Child's Anxiety?"

Q: My five year old daughter is above average academically and socially, but there are times when she is extremely emotional.  She seems to be overcome with anxiety about the smallest things sometimes.  It is serious enough that I at least wanted to ask someone about it.  

A: It's difficult to know why a child acts this way. It may be because of her advanced capabilities that she is experiencing deep emotions and just doesn't know how to handle them. Her anxiety may simply be a part of her personality or it may be the result of messages that she receives from you and her mother. She may want to please you guys so much that anxiety occurs when she thinks she's not. She believes things should be perfect (homework, bed making, herself etc) and when things are less than this, she can't handle it. All of these are just guesses. The why though isn't often as important as what needs to be done about it.

The best thing to do is help her process anxiety producing events so she can learn what she needs to worry about and what she doesn't. When she's overreacting about something, help her see why she doesn't have to. You are helping her learn to react differently and gain a balanced view of life events. This will take some time as you reshape her cognition but it's what needs to happen if she's to change.

I hope this helps. These are just guesses from me. The best thing for you to do is read about it from people who have studied this group of children. I recommend going to Amazon, search for "anxious child" and purchase the one that is reviewed the best.

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Scrooge On Marriage

Over the weekend I saw Disney’s “A Christmas Carol.” I’ve seen every form of this movie with its various actors including Patrick Stewart, Scrooge McDuck, and Bill Murray, but this one is my favorite. Visually it was stunning with the 3-D effects and cartoonish realism; definitely a theater-worthy movie.

During the “Christmas past’ scene Ebenezer is speaking to his fiancée, Belle. She is obviously distraught, likely because of days or weeks of pleading with him to love her or the recent death of her parents. He had committed to her through a “contract” but it was clear to Belle that he loved money more than he did her. Scrooge is cold towards Belle as you realize that this is in the early days of his business. They bicker back and forth about money. His pursuit of wealth had grown immense. Then she asks him a very important question. It’s the question women ask of their husbands every day. “. . . if you were free to-day, to-morrow, yesterday, would you choose me -- you who make your every decision by how much profit it will bring. If you could forget about money for a time and choose me, would you regret your choice?” (PARAPHRASED)

Every woman asks this of her husband either verbally or with her actions. When she dresses nice she wants to be noticed. When you see one another after work, the clock is ticking until you acknowledge her with a kiss and she notices if you take a long time. Every so often she wants to hear why you chose her and whether or not you’d do it again. These moments can sweep her off her feet. So, why not do it? Men must be purposeful in everything, but especially in things that pertain to the care of their wives. It won’t just happen. You have to make it happen.

Too many men choose other things. Some, like Scrooge, do so because they give their heart to something else. They find pleasure in an activity or other woman and thus neglect the one they pledged their love to. Some choose other things because the level of commitment needed to make a marriage thrive is often difficult to maintain. If you’ve seen Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (another Scrooge spin off) you’ll know that Matthew Mcconaughey’s character is afraid of being with one woman. He’s AFRAID. Men like this won’t admit it, but going from relationship to relationship is easier than trying to make one woman happy. Doing this may be tough, but it’s one of the most fulfilling things that can be done. Eagles understand this. Why can’t we?

Finally, men neglect their wives in the name of taking care of them. “If I work harder, my wife will have more things, and she’ll be happier.” All the money in the world can’t buy happiness. Scrooge found this out, but today some of us can’t see it. There is fulfillment that can be found in a well paying job, but what really matters is how we spend our free time with those we love. You can’t hug clothing or have dinner with a diamond necklace. Men, for your wife and children your time is the best thing you can give them. Christmas morning presents are exciting but the most important gifts can’t be wrapped.

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Tennessee School Counselors & Administrators Institute, Murfreesboro, TN

The School Counselor/Administrator Leadership Institute in now officially on! It is being held at the Embassy Suites Hotel & Conference Center in Murfreesboro, TN. The dates are be Feb. 7-9 with an additional day on Feb 10 for those of you interested in Service Learning. Registration is going to be $100 per person. Visit the National Center for Youth Issues website to register.

As soon as my presentation is approved, the details will be posted here.

Men Need to Be Men for Their Wives

The new Progressive Insurance commercial scares me. The man, standing there with his wife as they "shop all day," carries a purse. They call it a European shoulder bag, but it's a purse. I will not be like that man. I enjoy going out with my wife. IT IS one of my favorite things to do, but every man must spend time exploring the side of him that asks, "can you do it? Are you a real man? Are you self-reliant?" Hiking trips, fishing, and rock climbing are all actvities that allow a man to answer these questions. If he can make it there, the goal is to make it at home as well.

Malita and I had some friends over the other night. During dinner, David and I were discussing our next hike under the leering eyes of two concerned wives. Well, to their credit, "underground river cave" isn't a phrase you'd call comforting. However, they understand our need for adventure. There's a wild side to every man and he must explore it, otherwise he'll go nuts. Like a caged lion, men can become discontent if their passion for danger and excitement isn't fed. Let's not be senseless however. When I am on one of my weekend hikes, I am constantly thinking about my family. I tell Malita before I leave, "I go in for me but I come out for you." Men need adventure and women need men who are adventurous. There are risks involved but the pay offs are immense. Just be sure to not get killed.

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Man vs. Wild & My Daughter

I was watching one of my favorite shows last night, Man vs. Wild. Bear Grylls on the Discovery Channel travels the world demonstrating survival skills for whatever area he happens to be in. Last night he was in Panama where he spent some time with a local tribe who taught him how to survive in the jungle. They also gave him several tips on elluding drug lords after they have kidnapped you; a real danger since, on average, three kidnappings happen per day. One of the interesting things about this tribe is that the men cannot marry until they master survival skills such as hunting and tracking. That sounds like a good policy for whatever foolish boy tries to date my daughter. He better have more talents than just being able to play well on Guitar Hero. He better have manners, initiaitive, and at least a small degree of common sense. I'm  not going to spend 20+ years raising a dignified woman only to have some pasty face wanna-be man/boy ruin her life. That being said, my five week old baby-girl is doing great!! To all other concerned fathers out there, here's an application you might want to incorporate into your parenting plan. It's not original with me. I received it via email.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No

Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No

If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain

______ ______________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION

AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________



REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

preacher? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _________________ _

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________

Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

______________________________ ________________________________

Mother's Signature                               Father's Signature



_______________________________ ________________________________

Minister/Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                    State Representative/Congressman



Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.

Please allow four to six years for processing.


You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)


To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

Daddy's Rules for Dating

Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them...

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to ge t to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; mov ies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

Some Men Are Like Iron Skillets

As I was making my country gravy one Saturday morning I got to thinking about how strong yet ironically weak iron skillets are. They are dense, heavy and can take a great deal of heat on the stove, oven, or grill but don’t you dare put them in the dishwasher and you better not ever put them away wet. These age old cooking implements that are just as good on a home stove as they are over an open fire are extremely resilient but they obviously have their weaknesses. Some men are much the same way.

Men pride themselves on being strong, but without working on their weaknesses, they may be setting themselves up for failure; something that a strong man should despise. Alcohol, drugs, pornography, or lack of temper control are all typical weaknesses of a man. How are we to teach our boys to be better than us if we don’t handle these areas of our lives? He’ll become the man that you are now. Does this scare you? How are we to show our daughters the type of man she should marry unless we are a good example of one? Don’t discount her choice in men unless you’re better than he is. She’ll call you on it every time. You have your strengths, no doubt about it, but some men try to run from them, thus never dealing with them appropriately. Acknowledge where you fail, face those areas, and pray about them. Help outside yourself from our Heavenly Father may be the only way you can overcome what very well could destroy you.

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How to Get Out of the Dog House

Sometimes men don't think before they speak and they end up hurting their wives' feelings. Men want to take care of their wives so it should upset them when they hurt the one they are supposed to protect. However, it can be frustrating as men don’t always understand what is going on in their wives’ heads. Also, simple apologies will not always work especially when you really mess up. There has to be more involved. Well, I hope this can shed some light on the subject for when you stick your foot in your mouth. Trust me. It’s going to happen.

An understanding of your wife’s mentality during these times is important. First, when you say something upsetting to your wife, she might not let you know right away. This happens because she wants you to realize what you’ve done on your own. She’s actually giving you a chance to redeem yourself. She doesn’t want to have to tell you. So, if things are going well when you first get home but they suddenly change, you need to think back and analyze the evening. What could you have said or done that was upsetting to her? Then, go give her a hug, and very specifically confess your sin. Don’t beat around the bush but be sincere. It goes a long way. She might not perk up immediately, but your gesture will help get that process started. She’ll feel better soon enough and she’ll know you care.

Second, when you say something stupid, sometimes you know it. As the words leave your mouth, you can’t stop them. The guy who keeps your mouth in check is on a coffee break or something. Then, just as the last word exits your melon, you look at your lovely wife and for some reason the phrase, “a woman scorned” comes to mind. Give her time to be upset because she’s not going to be receptive of any apology right away. See my first suggestion and remember that flowers the next day or a meal out that evening can really help.

Let’s say you’ve racked your brain over the evening and you can’t think of anything that you’ve done. You know she spoke to someone on the phone, but you don’t know what about. There’s your first clue. Also, you don’t know how her day has gone because you’ve not had a chance to ask her yet. Here’s the good news. It might not be about you. Maybe you did say or do something silly. This may have upset her, but had an earlier event not take place, she wouldn’t be this way. Your normal action was just the catalyst that brought out her emotions. When you realize it’s not you, don’t act like, “Wow! I’m glad it’s not me.” They’ll know what you’re thinking and any sincerity you try to dish out here won’t matter.

What should you always keep in mind? When you’ve done something wrong, she wants you to know it. She wants you to be remorseful and simply saying you’re sorry won’t cut it. Unless her feelings are understood, she won’t be satisfied. This isn’t a revenge kind of thing. It’s more about empathy. She wants to hear that you know why what you did was hurtful to her. Women love being understood. How would you feel if she said or did the same thing to you? “It wouldn’t bother me,” is not the correct answer. Put it in manly terms. No, it wouldn’t bother you if your favorite Angel Baby was broken but what about your model car or favorite coffee mug? Put yourself in her shoes.

This is just one facet of understanding that I hope I can give you as you work to be the best husband you can for the one who gives you her all.

Here's an article written by John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. It can help with effective apologies.

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In this video, RC (Robot Custodian) accuses Mason of huffing hand sanitizer. He isn't of course but uses this teachable moment to educate your students on why huffing of any kind is bad. (Fifty second DVD)

Use this video as a supplement to a lesson plan on substance abuse, put it on your local cable channel as a public service announcement, or use it at your next PTO meeting to alert parents to the dangers of this activity.

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Take Back Your Teen

If there was ever a behavior disorder that could be over-diagnosed in children and teens, it would have to be Oppositional Defiant Disorder. My DSM says that at least four of eight criteria must be met for at least six months in order to receive this diagnosis.

1. often loses temper
2. often argues with adults
3. often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. often deliberately annoys people
5. often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbhavior
6. is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. is often angry and resentful
8. is often spiteful or vindictive

Does your child have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? If he meets four or even more of the above items, he doesn't necessarily have this behavior disorder. What is sometimes considered an ODD teen may simply be a child who has gotten his way all his life and now that mom and dad are pulling in the reigns, he's rebelling in a very big way. Sometimes, good parenting techniques can turn a child like this around. Parents must take control and not let their children run things. Call the police, hold your unrully child down until he submits; do whatever is necessary to take control back.

Does your child have ODD? He could. One of the primary indicators is this, "The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning." Another note in the DSM says, " . . . the behavior [must] occur more frequently than is typically observed in individuals of comparable age and developmental level." He just cannot make it like other kids because of his behavior. If this is the case, he definitely needs help. Medication can make the journey easiery and behavior modification can work wonders as well.

Your child's doctor or therapist may diagnose your child as ODD, but don't let him think that this is his license to act however he wants. Let this diagnosis be your starting point for helping your son or daughter get back on the right track.

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