An understanding of your wife’s mentality during these times is important. First, when you say something upsetting to your wife, she might not let you know right away. This happens because she wants you to realize what you’ve done on your own. She’s actually giving you a chance to redeem yourself. She doesn’t want to have to tell you. So, if things are going well when you first get home but they suddenly change, you need to think back and analyze the evening. What could you have said or done that was upsetting to her? Then, go give her a hug, and very specifically confess your sin. Don’t beat around the bush but be sincere. It goes a long way. She might not perk up immediately, but your gesture will help get that process started. She’ll feel better soon enough and she’ll know you care.
Second, when you say something stupid, sometimes you know it. As the words leave your mouth, you can’t stop them. The guy who keeps your mouth in check is on a coffee break or something. Then, just as the last word exits your melon, you look at your lovely wife and for some reason the phrase, “a woman scorned” comes to mind. Give her time to be upset because she’s not going to be receptive of any apology right away. See my first suggestion and remember that flowers the next day or a meal out that evening can really help.
Let’s say you’ve racked your brain over the evening and you can’t think of anything that you’ve done. You know she spoke to someone on the phone, but you don’t know what about. There’s your first clue. Also, you don’t know how her day has gone because you’ve not had a chance to ask her yet. Here’s the good news. It might not be about you. Maybe you did say or do something silly. This may have upset her, but had an earlier event not take place, she wouldn’t be this way. Your normal action was just the catalyst that brought out her emotions. When you realize it’s not you, don’t act like, “Wow! I’m glad it’s not me.” They’ll know what you’re thinking and any sincerity you try to dish out here won’t matter.
What should you always keep in mind? When you’ve done something wrong, she wants you to know it. She wants you to be remorseful and simply saying you’re sorry won’t cut it. Unless her feelings are understood, she won’t be satisfied. This isn’t a revenge kind of thing. It’s more about empathy. She wants to hear that you know why what you did was hurtful to her. Women love being understood. How would you feel if she said or did the same thing to you? “It wouldn’t bother me,” is not the correct answer. Put it in manly terms. No, it wouldn’t bother you if your favorite Angel Baby was broken but what about your model car or favorite coffee mug? Put yourself in her shoes.
This is just one facet of understanding that I hope I can give you as you work to be the best husband you can for the one who gives you her all.
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