"Just A Moment"

While watching a video of my son the other day I realized how quickly time is passing. It was of his first steps and is one of my most prized possessions. I love those momentous events, but they are rare and because I’m human I often miss the regular daily things that happen. I, like you, need to notice these things more. We pass each other at the fridge and spend time doing things that are mere distractions in the overall scheme of things.

John Lennon said that life is what happens while we are making other plans. As a parent, husband, or wife, this can be our greatest failure; not noticing the regular events of daily life. While we prepare for the birthday parties, and while we wait for the date nights with our spouses there are a lot of moments that are passing us by. While we make other plans, we are missing out on life. We need to make an effort to notice the life that Lennon spoke of.

The big question is, “When do these moments happen?” They happen, I believe, when we exhale. Exhaling is a bigger event than we give it credit for. We have thousands of them a day and are not guaranteed another, so we must notice what is happening when we expel the life giving air we take for granted.

When meditating, you concentrate on your breathing. Also, when trying to control one’s emotions breathing is important. I have noticed that when I am most stressed, my breathing becomes very shallow and if I focus, I’ll feel better. Breathing is a regulator for our bodies, and the physical time marker of what is happening around us.

The final scene in Thornton Wilder’s Our Town summarizes the idea of fleeting moments very well. The main character, Emily, has passed away but asks to go back for just one more day. When she does this, she sees how people treat life and it is too painful for her to bear. She says, “It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another.” Then she asks, “Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?—every, every minute?” Sadly, we don't. But, it doesn't have to be this way.

When we slow down enough to notice what will be the final event of our frail lives, I believe we will also notice each second of the precious moments we will never get back. Wiping your child’s face and kissing your spouse will take on a deeper meaning as you consider its place in your life.

The exhale is the final thing we will do on this earth, and unless we notice the moments when they happen, they will simply get blown away with each breath until our final moment occurs. You shouldn't have to wait for a sixteenth birthday or an anniversary. Treasure and wonderment can be found each day.

REVIEW of Fall In Love Stay In Love by Willard F. Harley Jr.

Fall In Love, Stay In Love is a great book for soon-to-be-marrieds, newlyweds, or experienced spouses. The chapters are short, well-organized, and concise which is encouraging if you have a reluctant spouse or if you are the reluctant spouse. The first few chapters are slow but build a tremendous foundation for the second half. Dr. Harley does not use a lot of psychological babble, but rather he explains things through easy to understand examples and concepts. It is amazingly and simplistically written.

While this book handles the topic of marriage in a comprehensive way, it does not handle lots of issues that are sometimes problematic. Topics like children and a spouse’s family of origin, major factors in marriage, are not discussed. So, if you and your spouse have some serious problems, this book may only be a supplement to other works or to professional counseling. Nevertheless, if your marriage is in need of major repairs or just needs a tune-up, this book is definitely worth the read.

"By Myself, but Not Alone"

I have discovered the joy that is a podcast. Not being in the car all the time to listen to my favorite radio shows like NPR’s “Second Stage,” “Prairie Home Companion,” and Dave Ramsey, I feel that I am missing a lot by way of the arts and self-improvement. However, by scheduling downloads of my favorite shows, I can listen to them during my morning walks. What a magnificent device. I often laughed at those who constantly wore dangling white cords out of their ears like it was some kind of must-have fashion statement, but now I see the value.

Despite my coming around to the way of the portable digital device, I wonder if the art of being alone with one’s thoughts is lost. Do we constantly need to watch listen, and text thereby avoiding what is going on in our heads? Is it too loud, screaming at us like a deranged parent, or is it too quiet, a subtle reminder of all the classes we slept through. Maybe it’s indicative of our self deficiency proving that we can’t stand to be alone with ourselves? What a pity. I have come to enjoy my company. I’m a pretty interesting guy if given the chance. By not wanting to be alone with ourselves, it would prove more difficult to want to be alone with God for fear of what He might reveal to us through His word. This is truly a disaster since our Heavenly Father is who we should want to spend a great deal of time with. Some are content to say their usual prayers, sit in their usual seats, and live their usual lives with no thought of what God is actually doing through, for, and with them.

A few weeks ago I was at Oprymills, the holy grail of shopping malls in the Nashville area. Nintendo had set up a station of six Wii consoles where you could play a variety of games. I played Celebrity Dodgeball against Keith Urban (the virtual one.) One of the games was with the Wii Fit. To play, you sit on the balance board and try not to move. I know this sounds like a dream for every mother with a hyperactive child, but the purpose is for meditation. The more you move the more a candle burns on the screen. The more the candle burns the closer you get to losing. I’m not sure if your average person hungry for stimulation is ready for this one, but I do know that by meditating, even on the Wii balance board, I stand a better chance of hearing myself and maybe even concentrating on God’s plan for my life a little more. Who knew the Wii had an enlightenment component?

"Advanced Society vs. Conservative Beliefs"

60 Minutes correspondent Lesley Stahl went to Saudi Arabia a few weeks ago to meet one of the most powerful men in the world, Ali Al-Naimi, the Saudi oil minister and de facto head of the OPEC oil cartel. In the interview Stahl said to Al-Naimi, "You have one of the most efficient, cutting-edge 21st century companies in the world . . . within one of the most religious conservative countries in the world. It’s almost a paradox."

Why is this a paradox? I suppose she believes that if you are religiously conservative then you must be some sort of back woods hill-billy who needs a flashlight to go to the bathroom. My beliefs as a Christian are based on faith but also on hard evidence grounded in science. I'm at least smart enough not to make a blanket assumption the way Stahl did. "You're an advanced civilization. I suppose you have thrown out everything that remotely resembles a spiritual belief system." This is why I don't normally watch television beyond my local news. The pervasive liberal stance they take is sickening.

Visit the following sites for intelligent answers to difficult questions:
Apologetics Press
Focus Press

"Your Family's System: Is It Healthy?"

I just saw the movie Four Christmases and it was pretty funny. Some parts I did not care for though because the family dysfunction shown, while comedic, was too close to what really happens in some homes. Disrespectful children beating up on adults, a crazy mother, and buried secrets being brought to light are just a few of the punch-lines that fill this holiday movie starring that girl from Hendersonville. Or maybe I just described your family’s Christmas dinner?

Have you ever wondered why you still get treated like the youngest child? “I’m thirty-six mom and I like pumpkin pie. No, you don’t. I have never seen you eat pumpkin pie.”

Your family is a system and it does not change much as you grow older. This is why your older cousin still speaks to you the way she did when you were teenagers. Usually there are major life events that curb this behavior. Going off to college and starting families will often remake a family as the members mature. This is not always the case though especially if the forty year old uncle still thinks he’s eighteen.

As a system your family acts in ways that work, and I use the word “work” loosely. Everyone’s behavior is affected by all those in the household which can make for a pleasant or chaotic home life; depending on the circumstances. A working family system may mean, in a positive sense, that dad makes the coffee and mom cooks breakfast. Morning tasks are completed and everyone benefits. This working system can also be negative. Maybe mom covers up for dad’s drinking habit. This works because it completes the desired result of secrecy, but it is obviously unhealthy. Dad’s problem may be spiraling out of control, but this issue may be overshadow by mom wanting to “protect” him from the rest of the family.

When the system is healthy, that’s great. Things aren’t perfect, but the family members benefit and grow through difficult times and fun times. However, if the system is unhealthy, something must change and this change can be met with great opposition as one or more members try to get out of a system they view as unbearable. This can often throw families into a whirlwind but unless you address the problem, it may never get better.

Does your system work? It might not be perfect, nobody’s family is, but if those you love can talk and adapt then consider yourself blessed. However, if there are behaviors that are obviously detrimental to the well-being of family members, professional help may be necessary.

Published In Church Growth

Be sure to catch my article in this quarter's Church Growth magazine (Vol. 23 - No. 4), a publication out of Houston, TX. In it I write about having not a new perspective of church work nor a traditional, but rather a balanced, "is this scriptural" view. Visit Church Growth Magazine.

"Daily Tasks for Teens Are Easily Avoided . . . Maybe"

Are you having a tough time getting your son or daughter to do their homework? With ballgames, art class, and a myriad of other activities, homework can fall to the wayside. However, when it is time to get the work done, why doesn’t it? Children and teens are masters at NOT doing things, and unless you see what is happening, you may fall prey to their excuses, distractions, and various forms of manipulation.

In a very broad sense, alternatives to homework are easier. This is why the reading assignment doesn’t get done. Let’s say you take everything out of his room. All that’s left to do is sit and stare. Well, this is much easier than Science or Algebra so why would this have any affect on him? It does for some but for others it does not. They can go over their Myspace page in their head and have more fun with a wad of paper than your housecat. I say, give him back everything and make him earn the right to use it in the afternoon. This puts you in a great position because you are not taking the items away. No, instead he is earning the right to use the internet, TV, Nintendo, Playstation, cell phone, XBox, DVD player, Game Boy, bicycle, or whatever fun alternative he has waiting on him when he’s done reading about Paul Revere’s ride. This is simply as it should be. If he chooses to not do his work, he’s choosing to not have fun in the afternoons. It’s not your problem or decision, it’s his.

Does he complain about his teachers and the amount of homework they give? What student doesn’t? But while he is complaining, he is not doing. It’s easier to talk about it than it is to actually do it, and if he can get you to believe with him that it’s too much, he has a powerful ally. Soon, you’re calling the principal, the school board, his teacher, and filing a petition with the state to outlaw all homework longer than five questions. What has happened? Nothing because he has still not done his homework. Some teachers do give a lot, but there’s a purpose behind it and that purpose should be respected. This complaining may also result in you doing the work for him. “Mom, it’s just so hard” he complains. Guilty, you help him and help and help and help until the line between who is actually doing the work is blurred. Maybe he needs more attention from you, but now is not the time to give it. Instead of working to avoid his responsibilities by demonizing his teachers or by unknowingly employing you he should be working himself to earn the grade he deserves.

The strange thing is, most of the students in his class ARE getting the homework done. Nevertheless, he has shifted the focus from why he’s not getting his homework done to why he can’t. Maybe there is a good reason for his struggle and you can speak to his school’s special education coordinator about your concerns, but the idea of L-A-Z-Y should not be dismissed too soon. Many parents buy into a "too much homework" mentality and the goal of establishing a working attitude in an otherwise bright student may get lost; especially if he guilts you into doing the work for him. “Mom, it’s just so hard.” Well, if it was easy, he wouldn’t be learning anything.

Does he argue with you when asked to do anything? This is also easy because teens love to argue with adults. While you spend half an hour reasoning with him to do history, the time he should have been investing in his work is history. Make your expectations clear, give a directive, and don't argue.

As you work to improve your son or daughter’s study habits, make sure you take a step back and look at what is actually happening. Is your child really struggling, is he wasting time by arguing, or does the B on his report card more realistically reflect the work you have done? Remember, your goal is to get him to do his work and his likely goal is to avoid it. The question is, "Who will win?"