PODCAST: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Bipolar I & Bipolar II

On the first Monday of every month I have a radio show on 95.9FM. In this show I discuss, with Bonnie & Zella, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Bipolar I, & Bipolar II.

Listen in the player below or visit my podcast page.

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How to Get Out of the Dog House

Sometimes men don't think before they speak and they end up hurting their wives' feelings. Men want to take care of their wives so it should upset them when they hurt the one they are supposed to protect. However, it can be frustrating as men don’t always understand what is going on in their wives’ heads. Also, simple apologies will not always work especially when you really mess up. There has to be more involved. Well, I hope this can shed some light on the subject for when you stick your foot in your mouth. Trust me. It’s going to happen.

An understanding of your wife’s mentality during these times is important. First, when you say something upsetting to your wife, she might not let you know right away. This happens because she wants you to realize what you’ve done on your own. She’s actually giving you a chance to redeem yourself. She doesn’t want to have to tell you. So, if things are going well when you first get home but they suddenly change, you need to think back and analyze the evening. What could you have said or done that was upsetting to her? Then, go give her a hug, and very specifically confess your sin. Don’t beat around the bush but be sincere. It goes a long way. She might not perk up immediately, but your gesture will help get that process started. She’ll feel better soon enough and she’ll know you care.

Second, when you say something stupid, sometimes you know it. As the words leave your mouth, you can’t stop them. The guy who keeps your mouth in check is on a coffee break or something. Then, just as the last word exits your melon, you look at your lovely wife and for some reason the phrase, “a woman scorned” comes to mind. Give her time to be upset because she’s not going to be receptive of any apology right away. See my first suggestion and remember that flowers the next day or a meal out that evening can really help.

Let’s say you’ve racked your brain over the evening and you can’t think of anything that you’ve done. You know she spoke to someone on the phone, but you don’t know what about. There’s your first clue. Also, you don’t know how her day has gone because you’ve not had a chance to ask her yet. Here’s the good news. It might not be about you. Maybe you did say or do something silly. This may have upset her, but had an earlier event not take place, she wouldn’t be this way. Your normal action was just the catalyst that brought out her emotions. When you realize it’s not you, don’t act like, “Wow! I’m glad it’s not me.” They’ll know what you’re thinking and any sincerity you try to dish out here won’t matter.

What should you always keep in mind? When you’ve done something wrong, she wants you to know it. She wants you to be remorseful and simply saying you’re sorry won’t cut it. Unless her feelings are understood, she won’t be satisfied. This isn’t a revenge kind of thing. It’s more about empathy. She wants to hear that you know why what you did was hurtful to her. Women love being understood. How would you feel if she said or did the same thing to you? “It wouldn’t bother me,” is not the correct answer. Put it in manly terms. No, it wouldn’t bother you if your favorite Angel Baby was broken but what about your model car or favorite coffee mug? Put yourself in her shoes.

This is just one facet of understanding that I hope I can give you as you work to be the best husband you can for the one who gives you her all.

Here's an article written by John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. It can help with effective apologies.

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New Product on Teachers Pay Teachers: Huffing & Being Germ Free Video

In this video, RC (Robot Custodian) accuses Mason of huffing hand sanitizer. He isn't of course but uses this teachable moment to educate your students on why huffing of any kind is bad. (Fifty second DVD)

Use this video as a supplement to a lesson plan on substance abuse, put it on your local cable channel as a public service announcement, or use it at your next PTO meeting to alert parents to the dangers of this activity.

Visit my store at Teachers Pay Teachers to purchase this product.

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Take Back Your Teen

If there was ever a behavior disorder that could be over-diagnosed in children and teens, it would have to be Oppositional Defiant Disorder. My DSM says that at least four of eight criteria must be met for at least six months in order to receive this diagnosis.

1. often loses temper
2. often argues with adults
3. often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. often deliberately annoys people
5. often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbhavior
6. is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. is often angry and resentful
8. is often spiteful or vindictive

Does your child have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? If he meets four or even more of the above items, he doesn't necessarily have this behavior disorder. What is sometimes considered an ODD teen may simply be a child who has gotten his way all his life and now that mom and dad are pulling in the reigns, he's rebelling in a very big way. Sometimes, good parenting techniques can turn a child like this around. Parents must take control and not let their children run things. Call the police, hold your unrully child down until he submits; do whatever is necessary to take control back.

Does your child have ODD? He could. One of the primary indicators is this, "The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning." Another note in the DSM says, " . . . the behavior [must] occur more frequently than is typically observed in individuals of comparable age and developmental level." He just cannot make it like other kids because of his behavior. If this is the case, he definitely needs help. Medication can make the journey easiery and behavior modification can work wonders as well.

Your child's doctor or therapist may diagnose your child as ODD, but don't let him think that this is his license to act however he wants. Let this diagnosis be your starting point for helping your son or daughter get back on the right track.

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Radio Show

My monthly radio show will be broadcast live on Monday night (11/2/09) from 4-5pm on 95.9FM. Be sure to tune in, but if you can't, the show will be available as a podcast next week. Unless I change my mind I'm going to be talking about a few of the more popular diagnoses out there such as Bipolar I & II & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

PODCAST: Parents Must Do These Three Things Well

In this week’s podcast I discuss three things that all parents must do for their children, but they must do them for the right reasons.

The song you heard on this show is entitled “Well Protected Heart” by Geordi Keitt. Find him at musicalley.com.

Listen in the player below or visit my podcast page.

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"Why Does My Teen Always Wear the Same Thing?"

Have you noticed that your teen walks out of the house everyday wearing the same thing? Some seem to change multiple times a day, but there is a sizeable portion of the teen population that wears the same article of clothing, usually a hoody or a jacket, no matter what the temperature, occasion, or soiled condition of the item. This can frustrate parents a great deal. “He has a closet full of clothes and he wears that?” If you’ve ever thought this, you’re not alone. Let’s consider the mindset of a teen that dresses in a singular fashion.

Teens are terribly preoccupied with their image. Why would they want to dress the same way all the time? They want to look good, but more importantly; they don’t want to look foolish. Wearing dark green shorts with a light green shirt is a misdemeanor in any secondary school lunch room. Not that I know anything about that outfit, but no one wants to be called green been or pea pod so they wear what they know works. Were they to wear something different than the usual, they run the risk of looking “different” because the item is too green, too long, too short, too tight, or not black enough. Different isn’t always a good thing.

Because of the insecurities, that are typical with most teens, they want to wear what they are most comfortable in and I’m not talking about whether the item is a poly-cotton blend. Teens are insecure humanoids and in order to feel secure, they wear clothing that they know looks good and is stylish. So, think of that ratty old jacket as a comfort blanket. The tattered look is in and sometimes even the cleanliness of the shirt is secondary to the feeling of safety that some clothes bring.

Now, how far do we let this clothing thing go? That's for each parent to decide, but here are some obvious guidelines. Your teen must eventually leave the “clothing keeps me safe” mentality. Most do over time as they enter high school. My mother was never as happy as when I quit wearing black t-shirts. So, let this developmental process run its course. Also, your child needs to be taught that he doesn't need to wear it if it stinks, if it's inappropriate attire for the event, if it displays messages you don't agree with, or if it makes your teen, especially daughters, look a certain way. Our teen girls are way too sexualized, and this fact shows us another side of the clothing issue.

Gemma Jones and Clementine Cuneo have an article at www.dailytelegraph.com.au entitled “Little Girls are the New Sex Objects.” In it they talk to psychiatrists about our culture’s obsession with beauty, growing up and how it affects our children.

In some department stores, including Target, there are actually crop-top style bras for toddlers. This is just one symptom of an alarming trend to turn our children into mini-adults. It’s up to parents to decide what they want to purchase but trends and styles are sometimes so subtle that many don’t notice what is actually happening. They don’t see the long term affects of something that may seem innocent. “A bra for my toddler? Well, why not?” This is the wrong question. We should be asking, “What for?”

Dr Joe Tucci, the CEO of the Australian Childhood Foundation, said enormous numbers of young children need psychological help because they are, “. . . being exposed to adult concepts far earlier than they are ready to understand," he said. "They lack self esteem and confidence. If they don't feel like they fit in, they feel like they are not as good as other kids.” These cultural issues have a tremendous impact on the upward turn of depression and anxiety levels in teens, especially girls.

Dr. Louise Newman, Professor of Developmental Psychiatry at Monash University says, “I’ve seen children suffering from clinical depression in primary school because they don't feel they are pretty enough or thin enough or able to be popular. The girls are worried they won't get boyfriends. Girls have started defining their self worth in terms of themselves as a sex object." This trend is taking a heavy psychological toll on our girls. What about boys? Boys are hearing from these cultural messages the wrong things about women. This has its own set of problems for future relationships and is just another reason why we must protect our daughters.

Whether your child wears what he knows or wears what the television tells her, you must make sure they are learning a few things. First, they must understand their clothes say something about them, but they don’t say everything. Second, they must learn that beauty starts from the inside. While this may sound like a cliché, it is a powerful psychological tool that is grounded in reality and it will save them a lot of agony. Finally, they must realize that the world doesn’t have their best interests in mind, only you do. They’ll fight you kicking and screaming on this one, but such is the war we commit to when we become parents.

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PODCAST: "Are You Demon-Possessed or Just Tired?"

In this show I discuss how life can make us seem like we're demon-possessed.

Listen in the player on the left or visit my podcast page.

The song in this show is entitled "Demon Girl" by Chad Vickers. Find him at http://www.musicalley.com/.

Decisiveness

As strange as this sounds, something that is lacking in our homes today is decisiveness; a firm resolve in regards to what people believe. Parents who are not firm in their discipline nor communicate their values are depriving their children of self-control and a moral compass; two tools that are truly lacking in today’s society. These tools, if passed on effectively, will help children grow into well-adjusted adults who will be internally stronger than most anyone.

Women too appreciate men who can make decisions. Have you ever been out with your wife or girlfriend, and asked them where they wanted to eat. Maybe she replies, “I don’t care.” Is this frustrating to you? Here’s what’s really going on. She wants you to decide but in a particular way. She doesn’t want to hear, “Let’s go to Buffalo Wild Wings, the Titans are playing.” This says to her, that you’ll be eating and watching the game, not paying attention to her. Here’s what she wants to hear. “I know you like this place, so let’s go here.” You made a decision (an obvious sign of confidence which is always sexy) but you also made it with her interests in mind. You might as well have sent her flowers, big guy.

Husbands also like decisiveness in their wives especially when she knows his interests and works to meet those. She keeps the spark alive and he is motivated to do the same. He chooses the restaurant well and then she returns the gesture later on because she understands her husband. She knows his likes and dislikes then works to meet his needs because she sees that he’s working so hard to meet hers. The relationship isn’t kept alive by accident but rather it is kept alive by deciding appropriately where to eat, what to do after dinner, and how things are done at all times surrounding these events.

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VIDEO PODCAST: "Huffing Hand Sanitizer"

I'm a middle school counselor and have been looking for material that I could just show kids in order to get a message across. No such luck. Most videos are very expensive. Well, why not produce my own videos? Here's my first attempt. I will be detailing the video soon, getting a few of the bugs out. It will then be available for purchase on my store at Teachers Pay Teachers.

In the video is Mason (named after my son), RC which stands for Robot Custodian, and Bucket, RC's trusty sidekick. Be sure to read my article on this topic.

Visit my podcast page or my channel on YouTube to see and listen to more of my podcasts. If you are a regular listener to this podcast, I'd love a rating or a review from you on iTunes. Thanks.